Completing the Stress Cycle
Stress Isn’t Just in Your Head; It Lives in Your Body
A client in a high-stress industry that just decided to pause the after-work drinking ritual asked:
“What do I actually do with all the stress? It doesn't just disappear when I walk out the door.”
That question is relevant to so many of us, especially leaders and really anyone carrying responsibility for others. When life gets lifey, most of us already have something we turn to. Alcohol, sugar, scrolling, shopping, overworking. Sometimes it’s not a problem, but sometimes it is.
When you notice yourself stuck in rinse-and-repeat mode with a coping mechanism that drains you more than it serves you, that’s useful information! Really, it's the only information you need to start exploring options for change.
I just wrapped up a 31-Day Dopamine Reset Challenge with a group of people who chose to stop or reduce a behavior or habit. We had everything from drinking alcohol to doom scrolling to online shopping to sugar covered in the group. What stood out wasn't the patterns themselves, but how automatic our stress responses can be, especially when we aren't practiced at pausing and choosing another way to move stress through our system.
This matters for leaders. Stress comes with responsibility, it's inevitable. The problem isn’t that stress exists. The problem is when it has nowhere to go and we try to hide it or cover it up. I love the quote from Jon Kabat-Zin, PhD, " You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."
Here’s the piece we often miss: Stress is physiological, not just psychological.
Stress triggers a body response designed to help us survive a threat. Historically, that response ended with movement like running, fighting, escaping, or even resting.
These days, we sit, we numb it away AND, it's hard to even name what IT is. Our stressors these days come in so many nonthreatening shapes, like through a screen!
I know this pattern intimately. For me, work stress had a ritual: walk in the door, pour a drink, push it down. Leadership can be isolating. Some things feel too heavy to bring home, too complex to explain to friends, and too risky to share at work when you're in a leadership position. So the stress stayed in my body, and alcohol worked great, until it didn’t.
One of the things that shifted for me in 2022 when I quit drinking was learning that the stressor doesn’t have to be solved for the stress response to complete. The body just needs a signal that the threat has passed for the time being!
I came across this concept in the book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, and it clicked immediately. Stress starts something in the body. We are meant to finish it.
Here are a few tangible ways to do that:
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Move your body: Walk, stretch, dance, ski, shovel snow. Stress prepares your body for action, so find out what action is the right one for you right now.
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Breathe with intention: Slow, deep breaths, especially longer exhales directly shift what’s happening physiologically.
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Connect with another human: Eye contact, sharing honestly, laughing, crying, a hug. Even a shared sigh. Connection is one of the fastest stress-completion tools we have.
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Create or engage in a hobby: Writing, gardening, cooking, making something with your hands. Not to bypass stress, but to help it move through.
- Get outside: No ear buds, no phone calls, let your senses adapt to only taking in nature.
What tends to prolong stress is sitting down and numbing it (overdrinking, overeating, scrolling, zoning out) because the body never gets the message that the danger has passed. The cycle stays open.
So here’s what I want to leave you with:
When you hit your witching hour, that moment when the day finally slows and the stress shows up, what do you do with it?
What rituals, habits, or patterns kick in automatically?
Are they actually helping your body recover… or just helping you disconnect and bypass?
What is one thing you’re doing right now, or could experiment with to move stress through your body instead of numbing it?
If you’re navigating high stress and feeling curious (or conflicted) about your relationship with alcohol or other distress coping patterns, you don’t have to figure this out alone. Talk to a trusted friend, explore free resources online, check out some podcasts or books, and of course, I am here as a Certified Coach for those of you looking for support in leading yourself first, so you can lead your team best!
Check out my curated book recommendations
Naomi DuCharme | [email protected]
Consultant, Facilitor, Coach
Integrating Wellness Solutions: Where safety, health, and wellbeing aren't standalone programs or initiatives; they're outcomes of well-designed, integrated systems.
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